Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Pappa wants mamma naked
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize