This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
