Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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