from now on my penis is your penis
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
