You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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