Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
