and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
