WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
