i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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