Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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