She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
