had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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