I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
