but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
