i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize