a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize