I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
