God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
