so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
