There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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