If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
