Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
