Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
