My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
