Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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