I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
