I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
