I smell stomach acid.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
