eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
