What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
