my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You ate ashes out of my bong
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
