just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
