I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
