I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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