I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
