A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
