Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
