I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
