$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize