I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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