If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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