it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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