accomplished twins. life is a go
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
