Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
