i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
