Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
