she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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