What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
