So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
