He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
