can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
