I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
