I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
