I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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