they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
