is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
