I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
