I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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