I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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