So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
