So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
