I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
