What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
