you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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