drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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