I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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