If i come over, it means nothing
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
