Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
