Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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