real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
