loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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