from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she told me i tasted like america
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
